This is my own personal account of each of these 21 things.  Some worked, some didn’t and some things were much more fun than I’d anticipated!

As I’m a 30 something busy working mum of 3 you can be guaranteed I haven’t covered anything which is super expensive or very time consuming.

In my book I give you my experience on:
- vintage porn – hands only – not in bed sex – erotic dice game – handcuffs – dirty text or emails – erotic fiction – erotic story writing – orgasm boosters – sex toy shopping – spanking – outside sex – porn – body paint – photo session – nooners – red room – quickies – horny goat weed – dress up – blindfolds -

I’ve also given you my very first erotic short story.

Why not try my 21 easy ways to spice up your love life then let me know how they worked for you?

We’ve been under the weather with colds.  Paul is almost through it but I’m lagging behind.

There’s been no sex.  Just evenings of coughing, spluttering and sneezing.

What a start to 2010!

Everything is going along hunky dory and then you mention the dreaded ‘C’ word.  There’s silence followed by no sex.  And you wonder what the hell you’ve done wrong because in your repertoire ‘commitment’ is a positive sign of, well, being committed.

I’ve been throwing around ‘commitment’ like it’s been going out of fashion.  It’s become almost my favourite word.  You see, I want to have a great sex life and I know that takes effort (much more than I ever imagined) when you’ve got kids, business etc. etc.  And I made a decision to make it happen.  For me to do that I have to be focused.

Unfortunately, Paul hasn’t been appreciating my commitment all too much.

Commitment has zapped passion into oblivion.

This morning, after a no-sex evening, we talked about it.  It seems both of us have very different associations towards the ‘c’ word.  For me it’s positive and shows a dedication to making things better.  For Paul it’s devoid of romance and feeling.

So now we’re all talked out and have our wires uncrossed.  Will there be sex tonight?  Maybe…. stay posted.

I have to give myself a little pat on the back for my dedication to:

1. Trying again.
2. Getting close to naked when the weather was ‘brass monkies’  (although did cheat slightly  by using a heater so perhaps this kudos doesn’t count).

And that’s as far as I can go with any self praise because the evening, yet again, had all the promise of a spectacular disaster.

So, I didn’t do the whole waitress ensemble.  I put on black fishnet stockings and my new shoes (which I am terribly in love with).  Nothing else.  Just me naked (and freaking cold).

I was under the impression that men got turned on with JUST the dress up and lingerie thing.  Apparently for my husband, this isn’t the case.  As he laid back and I straddled him I noticed that vacant look in his eyes.  Nothing was moving either (apart, perhaps,  from his eyes which I swear were rolling a little).

After a while, with more ego deflation for me and boredom for him, I asked what I could do to make the situation better.  We’d sort of lost the moment by now so we talked and I learnt I had to have the attitude to go with the stockings and shoes.  Last night I didn’t so nothing really did it for him.

Lesson #1 – Sexy underwear doesn’t mean anything if you don’t have the rest of the package.

Not to be put off, and to show my determination, I put my back up plan into action.  I wanted to read some erotic literature to him.Great.  Only I didn’t think I’d need a ‘plan B’ so I hadn’t prepared anything.  I got out my laptop, went to Literotica and picked a story.  It started off really well, in a bizarre way, then flopped because it turned out to be half of a fictional dream. You never really got to the juicy bits.

You know you’re on to a loser when your partner keeps asking you if you’d rather go to sleep.

Lesson #2 – Pick your erotic story in advance and make sure it includes erotic elements

I did give up after that and we settled on ‘vanilla’ sex.  A girl can only do so much.

So today is a new day and I’ve gained a few insights into what makes a night of passion and what doesn’t.  BTW, going to sleep before & during scheduled sex time is a no-no.  If you think you can have a crafty doze, think again.  He or she will probably notice.

I went shopping today to get some new lingerie and my very first pair of f*ck me pumps.  Can’t believe I’m in my mid 30s and have never owned a pair of shoes just for the bedroom.  Anyway, before I get carried away telling you about my purchases (I’m sure you’ll get to see them soon) I’ll get to the point I’m trying to make.

Our daughter was taking a nap so I did a little fashion show for Paul.  Then I gave him the option to bring our 10pm sex time forward.  Now, there were 2 reasons for this.  First I’m standing there in front of him in my new hot pink high heeled shoes, stockings and a sexy waitress ensemble.  Second, it’s the first day of that ‘time of the month’ and I get tired.  I wanted to make sure I could be fully awake to have sex and the chances are greatly improved at 3 in the afternoon.

And his response?

It wasn’t “OMG baby, you look so hot.  Get over here – I want you now!!”

Think more along the lines of:

“Only if I get it twice today”.

So I weighed up my options, got dressed and left.